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Fred is a LAFA member.
(His wife Ethel is not!). What follows are some excerpts from their
domestic life. Fred serves as an example of how flying can save a
marriage (or not).
Ed.
Sometime
after the beginning…
Eth:
“Fred!”
FF: “What is it Eth?”
Eth: “There’s a wing in the
shower!”
FF: “No dear. The wing is on the
dining room table. That’s a flap, and please don’t turn on the water – the
dope is still drying”.
Eth: “What did you call me??!!”
FF: “Nothing dear, I said…”
Eth: “Ouch! – Dammit Fred, I just
tripped over some pedal things! This situation is REALLY getting out of
hand! Our house has become a junkyard. Everywhere I look pieces of
airplane are lying around the place. Everything I touch is sticky, oily, or
both! I can’t walk two steps without tripping over something or stepping on
those little nail thingies. This morning I woke up with two of them wedged
in my back and when I made the bed about five hundred more fell on the
floor…”
FF: “Thanks luv!. You
found the rivets I've been looking for! Where did you put them?”
Eth: “Fred, you aren’t listening!
I’m fed up with this airplane fad of yours. It was better when your hobby
consisted of sitting in front of the tube watching your waistline expand.
At least then I knew where you were and what you were doing, and to get the
house presentable all I had to do was throw out empty beer cans. Now when
you aren’t at the airport, you're here making noise, sparks, and a mess -
all at once!”
FF: “Ethel... Ethel... Ethel...
my dear Ethy… Wasn’t it you who suggested I get a hobby?.
“Something that would get me off the couch and out of the house” you said.
“Then we ran into those LAFA ultralight guys at the Fruit and Spice Park and
you encouraged me to join them. In fact, you insisted!”
Eth: “Yes, but that’s when I
thought ultralighting was a diet and exercise plan”.
FF: “A whaaat?!”. “Boy, I’ll
have to make sure that one doesn’t get back to the guys! Come on, surely you
knew what Ultralights were when we saw them again at Sun 'n Fun?
Eth: “I guess so, but by then it
was too late. You had already joined LAFA and I figured it would be better
if I let you get it out of your system. Of course, that was before I
realized it would lead to this mess!”
FF: “Aw, honey, it won’t be much
longer now. With your support – and the rivets you so kindly found for me,
I should be finished with the building in just a couple more weeks. Then
we’ll REALLY be able to start having fun”.
Eth: "You are joking right?"
" I've been hearing two weeks since last October. Those have to be the
longest two weeks in history!"
FF: "But..."
Eth: "And where did that "we"
come from?" “Did I understand correctly that
"WE" are going to have fun when YOU finish building?”
FF: “Right”
Eth: “All these tubes and mess
and bits of metal are going to come together to become one flying
contraption that will take both of US up to the sky?”.
FF: “Right”
Eth: “Wrong! – There’s no
way that I’m ever I’m going to fly in something that I’ve shared my shower
with!.”
FF: “Why not luv? Don’t you trust
me?”
Eth: “I trust your intentions
Fred, and your enthusiasm can be contagious, but remember I’ve been married
to you for two dozen years. I know your strengths, your weaknesses, and
your abilities... and an aeronautical engineer you definitely are not!”
FF: “Hey, That’s not fair – I’ve
never built a plane before”.
Eth: “That’s exactly my point!
And I remember the things you did build, and the only reason you are
probably alive today is because they didn’t have wings”.
FF: “Oh yeah? Name ONE!”.
Eth: “Only ONE?? – That’s too
easy… I can name dozens! How about the time the lawnmower threw a blade
after you repaired it and killed BOTH the neighbor’s cat AND their
canary?? To this day our neighbors look at you with that same strange look they
had when you told them their pets had killed each other while
fighting over bird seed!”.
FF: “Shhh!
– The window's open, they might hear you”.
Eth: “…and how about the time you
insisted on assembling that BBQ by yourself? You not only ended up blowing
a hole through the patio roof, but you showered the neighborhood with pieces
of smoking lobster and BBQ shrapnel!”.
FF: “O.K., O.K., but this is
different. Experts from LAFA, the FAA, NASA and even the CIA will check out
and approve my work before anybody flies it.”
Eth: “I don’t think we’ll ever
agree on this topic dear, but now that you have found something you really
like, I’ve promised myself that I won’t stop you from doing it. All I ask
is that you promise not to kill yourself, and please - PLEASE try to clean
up a little after yourself! Now, why don’t we put this all behind us and
have some breakfast?”
FF: “Can’t.”
Eth: “Can’t promise not to kill
yourself?”
FF: “Nope... can’t have
breakfast.”
Eth: “Why not?”
FF: “The ailerons are drying on
the kitchen table.”
Eth: “FRE!.. O.K., O.K. Never
mind. We’ll just use the dining room then.”
FF: “Can’t.”
Eth: “Oh, yes - I forgot… The
wing! Living room?”
FF: “...other Wing.”
Eth: “Patio table?”
FF: “Fuselage. And the engine.
And prop, wheels, rolls of fabric, gas tank…”
Eth: “O.K., I get the picture.
Denny’s?”
FF: “After you my dear”.
Flying Fred
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