Line Check Pilots:

Leap skyscrapers with no effort, are more powerful than the Concorde, are faster than a speeding bullet, walk on water, give policy advice to God.

Airline Transport Pilots:

Leap tall buildings in a single bound, are more powerful than a 747, are just as fast as a speeding bullet, walk on water if its calm, suggest policy advice to God.

Multi-Engine Pilots:

Leap short buildings in a single bound, are more powerful than a 707 can fire a speeding bullet and hit the target, walk on the water of an indoor pool, talk to God. 

Instrument Pilots:

Leap short buildings with a running start and favorable wind conditions, are nearly as powerful as a Learjet, almost as fast as a speeding bullet, walk on water when it’s frozen, talk to God if a special request is approved.

 Commercial Pilots:

Barely clear a Quonset hut, lose a tug-of-war with a twin-engine aircraft, can fire a speeding bullet- just not accurately, swim well, occasionally addressed by God.

 Private Pilots:

Make high marks when trying to leap buildings, are run over by Piper Arrows, sometimes handles an airplane without inflicting self injury, can dog paddle, talk to animals.

 Recreational Pilots:

Manage not to trip over the curb when crossing the street, is run over by the aircraft tug or fuel truck, shoots themselves in the foot when given a gun by mistake, can stay afloat if properly instructed, talk to rocks.

 Student Pilots who have soloed:

Run into buildings, recognize a Cessna 172 two out of three times, are issued a parachute, can wade through a kiddy pool, talk to water.

 Student Pilots who have not soloed:

Fall over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, say, “Look at the airplane!”, need rescuing from a large puddle, mumble to themselves.

 Ultralight Pilots:

Run into doors when trying to enter a hospital, are run over by small animals, drown in small puddles, talk to frogs.

 Certified Flight Instructors:

Lift buildings and walk under them, kick planes out hangars, catch speeding bullets in their teeth and chew them, freezes water with a single glance. THE CFI IS GOD.